Why is it when people follow routines, procedures and deadlines,
Those who didn't follow call those who did 'mean'?

If I act on the 1st like I do on the 30th,
Maybe on the 30th I can act like it's the 1st.

It's been announced: After the last Harry Potter film,
the Sorting Hat will start working for E-Harmony.

When I was 7, shows competing in a time slot was a huge dilemma.
History repeats itself.

The weirdest set of events can remind me
Of just how uncontrollable life is.

My dog was barking, and I got to wondering...
Do they ever get hoarse?

Why do super-villains always attack the national landmarks first?
And who repairs them later?

If you THINK you heard God's call,
Make sure you're not the answering service.

I no if eye don't check spelling,
Yule be sorry.

When I think not,
does that therefore mean I am not?

We talked about why children have low expectations of themselves.
I made sure I didn't take the blame.

How to Make a Hand Puppet:
Step 1 - Specialize in Proctology...

Well, it's official. I'm a published cartoonist.
It's for free, and a favor to a friend, but I am published...

Just an observation:
Belly dance sure includes a lot of other body movements.

Batman...
never drives with the top down.

I'm thinking of starting a grassroots, decentralized 'green' group.
I'll call it The Garden Party.

Unrated director's cuts...
Same movie, Only longer!

Sad truth: It's easier to be the bank that sold a bad loan
Than someone who purchased one.

Strange and rare convergence:
A conversation at work perfectly fed one at home.

Talked about Lola Falana and Big Wheels today
Many stages of nostalgia.

I like ABBA.
So what?

I bet the people who paint their faces for their NFL Team
Laugh at Comic Con cosplayers.

I have nothing to write about today.
But I can still do it in two lines.

If I present my book in a compelling way,
I don't have to burn someone else's.

Today we celebrate the American worker by not working.
But don't worry. We'll still memorialize on Memorial day.

I have watched more movies since joining Netflix
than I watched the entire Spring and Summer.

If I didn't exercise the judgment to drink moderately,
what makes you think I'm calling for a ride when drunk?

Don't aggravate someone then ask them why they're edgy.
The results will not be positive.

The revolution will not be in 3D...
Unless the trend makes money.

There is no way to reclaim the past.
No matter how many episodes of 'Soap' I watch.

The phrase, "I don't know what to think."
Has multiple meanings. When you think about it.

I found out on the next to the last day of August
The meaning of the word 'penultimate'.