Sunday, December 20, 2009

Julie and Julia inspired me.
I will blog about nothing for 365 days.

Saturday, December 12, 2009

I just found out Chia seeds are edible. Yum.
Then I found out there's a Chia Spongebob. Bleh.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

I was just thinking. I've lived here all my life,
and NEVER ridden the Pink Pig.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Coming soon - Tyra Banks and America Ferrera in
Coyote Ugly Betty!

Sunday, November 22, 2009

OK, Johnny Depp made the People cover again.
Not surprised. I'm straight, and even I think he's sexy.

Friday, November 20, 2009

I watch way too much television and play way too many video games. I am now a kid again.
Does that mean I'll live to be about 90?

Thursday, November 12, 2009

I realize I've been away for a while so I create a new post.
I then realize that no one is reading this. Hmmm...

Friday, October 30, 2009

Sometimes I try to exceed the dimensions of my programming.
It usually ends up in a fatal crash.

Friday, October 16, 2009

I was trying to buy a Boss' Day card, but couldn't find one that said what I really thought.
Guess the card companies won't publish stuff that'll get someone fired.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

If it stars certain members of the Jackson family,
won't it be a SUR-reality show?

Thursday, September 24, 2009

The reason Stan should NEVER have sold out.

Saturday, September 19, 2009

TOTAL Star Wars geek question:
Are there any Jawas that are also Jedi? Sandpeople? Gungans?

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Listening to the retrospective, I realized
Peter Noel and Mary just wouldn't have been as poetic.
Request to God: I know this is a little far-fetched, but can you speed up the writers in my head
so I can be wittier in conversations?

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

In the midst of deciding what to blog about, I hear about Swayze.
Puts it all in perspective.

Monday, September 7, 2009

I sincerely am questioning whether honesty is truly the best policy.
Just lie to me until I decide I can handle the truth. I'll do the same.

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Oxymoronic thought #872:
Take the day off - it's Labor Day.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Whitney's comeback was a struggle.
Her voice is cracked.

Monday, August 31, 2009

I absolutely REFUSE to blog about the $9 sandwich and drink I had today.
There is no way I'll ever publicly admit...never mind.

Sunday, August 30, 2009

I only blog when I have something to say, so I won't be blogging today.
Wait. Did I just...?

Sunday, August 23, 2009

I will no longer psychoanalyze myself.
So don't ask me why I said that.

Friday, August 21, 2009

Seems every girl that ever truly liked me had self-esteem issues.
Now, I do too.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

What is a back 40?
Why do so many movie farmers have one they're not using?

Friday, August 14, 2009

Always wanted 2 jars in my kitchen: one "Cap'n Crunch", one Crunch Berries.
Just as a conversation piece.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

$40 dinner for 2 with my wife was bad enough...
Now it's the same price with my son.

Saturday, August 8, 2009

No, thank you, spambot followers,
I already had my brains ****ed out today.

Friday, August 7, 2009

I'm pretty sure the box at Facebook that says, "What's on your mind?"
is just asking to be polite.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

I resented when my kids called me a dirty old man.
I'm only 44.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Tell your teacher friends,
It's not a furlough, just an opportunity for community service credits.

Saturday, August 1, 2009

So what crime against humanity or indignant routine should I perform?
I want a beer with the President, too.

Friday, July 31, 2009

I think I'm developing a case of
carpal funnel-cake syndrome.

Thursday, July 30, 2009

The average person forgets 3 things a day.
I'm waaaaaaaaaaaaay above average.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Yeah, I saw the writing on the wall.
I just read between the lines.

Friday, July 24, 2009

Before you're flattered when someone says, "That's deep,"
Make sure you know THEIR context.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Just noticed this:
'hater' is just 'heart' spelled sideways. Sort of.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

OK, this is disturbing...
even natural remedies have disclaimers.
Had a depressive episode yesterday.
Would rather have had a "very special" episode.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

So what if he was wearing "Mom Jeans"?
At least they weren't hangin' off his ass!

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Just watched "Supersize Me".
I think I'll be fasting for a while.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Am I the only one who gets a giggle when I hear there's a show called,
"The Best Thing I Ever Ate"?
Oxymoron x 2: Serious Gamer.
Doesn't make sense. I am one.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Based on the last 2 days, I think we've proved a wise Latina can be just as overscrutinized as anyone else.

Monday, July 13, 2009

When I get up the courage, I'm gonna walk into a Staples and ask,
"How many staples do you actually sell?"

Social Networks are great. You can really be yourself...or someone else.

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Memo - self: Do not use the following names in front of wife for at least 30 days:
Zoe. Saldana. Uhura.

Saturday, July 11, 2009

Memo to Spock: If Uhura continues to push up on you like that,
to wait 7 years for the next Pon Farr would be highly illogical.
If there are 29 proven dimensions of compatibility,
how many UNproven dimensions are there?

Friday, July 10, 2009

I can't watch Tyra's show anymore. Today she used the phrase "leave your mama's breast" a dozen times, and I found myself thinking about breasts way too much after that.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Thinking how appropriate that the last muzak I heard at the dentist's office was
"Things could only get better..."

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Maybe all the people who said, "Rest in Peace" can finally allow him to do so.

Monday, July 6, 2009

I'm watching Monster-in-Law thinking, "Barbarella"..then I'm thinking J-Lo AS Barbarella!
Then my wife hits me. She always knows, man.

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

If a medication ad says "do not take this if you're pregnant or may become pregnant", doesn't that reduce the demographic by a HUGE margin?

Sunday, June 28, 2009

The nest isn't empty, but...

A few more days will mark 1 solid month of producing the comic strip. Next month, I will try to fine tune things like characterization and clean imagery. Then it's off to the submission stage - maybe it'll happen this time...

Thursday, June 25, 2009

In the midst of all the tweets, texts and status updates....
I wonder how many people prayed?

Sunday, June 21, 2009

I typed a long post at a support group site, but this is more appropriate for everybody else.

Saturday, June 20, 2009

140 characters exactly. (a comment on Twitter)

How did they come up with the character limit? Do you have any idea how hard it is to be witty, poignant, and coherent in 140 characters or

Monday, June 15, 2009

I AM THE US GOV'T

Today, I used one account's Overdraft Protection to keep a check from bouncing in a different account.
If only I could print my own money, I'd be set.

Sunday, June 14, 2009

The 2nd Sunday Edition

digital

Ah, the new technology. We now get fewer channels than we did when I was my son's age...

Monday, June 8, 2009

According to a letter analysis, I am an open-minded, exciting, broad-minded, social butterfly with a very good physique and looks who is always smiling and making others smile, causes a lot of trouble, likes to work, but you always wants a break, has trouble trusting people, is jealous, and can be very quiet when I have something on my mind.

Mostly true. Anyone want to guess which parts are false?

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Am I an independent learner....
or just plain anti-social?

Monday, May 18, 2009

The universe expands endlessly in all directions...
that means I AM the center of it. Thank you.

Monday, May 4, 2009

Read an e-mail about a baby shower for expectorant mothers...
but that's not how it was written.

Sunday, May 3, 2009

I want to see "Obsessed","The Soloist", "Wolverine", and "Star Trek"
not necessarily in that order.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Farewell, Bea Arthur. Say hi to Lucy for us.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Saw Chitty Chitty Bang Bang on stage last night.
It was a pretty Chitty production (no, that's good).

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

taxonomically speaking...

If there were actual mermaids on Earth,
they probably wouldn't have breasts.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

OK, No Offense...

Wasn't it a waste of time to analyze whether the President's
choice of dog was a broken promise?

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Not to get sappy, but...

Give a child whatever love you can today.
They might not remember you tomorrow.

Friday, March 6, 2009

When are we going to have an
Exceptional Teachers' Week?

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Psyched

I just found a kindred blogging spirit:
http://theshortestblogintheworld.blogspot.com/

Saturday, February 28, 2009

Intelligent Life

In response to mankind's stupidity, even the Octopi are getting smarter.
http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/lanow/2009/02/an-octopus-mana.html

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

On the 'politcal cartoon'

Humor is always risky, often misconstrued,
but I think the Post knew exactly what it was doing.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Forget Gas

I wish I could set my salary daily based on what I think I deserve that day.
Trust me, I won't ask for more than I should. Really.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

This day in history

1934 - The first driving class offered.
Ever since: parents cringing at the thought of handing over the keys.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009