Friday, April 30, 2010

My brother went to the dentist.
They removed his sweet tooth.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

A guy today said all women are crazy.
A guy...............................crazy.
Don't tell people you fell off the wagon
if you're not on it that often.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Am I the only one who sees the irony in auditions for
Gospel ... Idol?

Monday, April 26, 2010

˙spuɐɥ ɹıǝɥʇ uo ǝɯıʇ ɥɔnɯ ooʇ ʎɐʍ ǝʌɐɥ
uʍop ǝpısdn ʇxǝʇ ǝdʎʇ oʇ ʍoɥ ʇno ǝɹnbıɟ oʇ ǝɯıʇ ǝʌɐɥ oɥʍ ǝןdoǝd

Sunday, April 25, 2010

I'm still not sure what the difference is between
'following' and 'stalking'.
The Library of Congress will be collecting all the tweets ever sent.
There won't be room for anything else after that.

Friday, April 23, 2010

Arizona wants to make it against the law to be an illegal alien.
Redundant.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

I told my students today that I didn't know how to ride a bike.
I wasn't worried about losing cool points. Didn't have any anyway.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

My other blog
is a BMW.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

I remember when you couldn't even name a movie "KICK ASS,"
Let alond advertise for it on television. But yeah, I want to see it.

Monday, April 19, 2010

While listening to talk radio, I couldn't help but wonder -
where is the 'liberal media' these guys keep fussing at?

For the 168 in Oklahoma City

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Saturday, April 17, 2010

I have many people I could talk to
But few that I actually will.
You will never get leadership
from someone you think you have to push.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

No offense to the Russians, but
did we run out of American orphans?

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

If you feel like you've lost your best friend
is it possible they're just with that missing sock from the dryer?
I want to lead with my strengths,
but people keep demanding from my weak areas.

Monday, April 12, 2010

It was so much easier when all I had to do
was fix toys with Superglue.
When someone who knows you only casually tells you to get a haircut,
maybe it IS time to get one.

Saturday, April 10, 2010

I would imagine that the winged horses
Did not get along with the unicorns. Professional jealousy.

Friday, April 9, 2010

The reconnect is always better than the disconnect.
I'm only talking about utilities here. Or am I?

Thursday, April 8, 2010

History may repeat itself,
but the class still isn't listening.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

I can live with change.
Just not comfortably.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Finally, the broadcast can turn its attention back to golf...
Wait a minute. Golf bores me. Can we talk about infidelity again?
I wish my dog
could wash cars.

Sunday, April 4, 2010

What's Pat Robertson going to say
about the quake in CA?

Saturday, April 3, 2010

Peer pressure doesn't work if
you don't think of people as your peers.

Friday, April 2, 2010

Idon'tPad.
Sorry.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

April.
Fool.
Why isn't anyone mentioning politician's salaries
as a budget issue?