Thursday, December 30, 2010

Nia

A 2 line blog post about nothing #364.
Most. Ironic. Tribute. To. Nia (Purpose). Ever.

Ujamaa

On the day of cooperative economics, I met my wife to be.
Been broke ever since. (Just kidding, pookie!)

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Ujima

Since everybody has a job to do,
can mine be to stay out of the way?

Kujichagulia

I was determined to blog every single day.
That's why yesterday's post has today's date.

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Umoja

We may be all together in this,
But are we all in this together?

Saturday, December 25, 2010

A truly white Christmas, but also a safe one.
Who could ask for more than that?

Friday, December 24, 2010

This season, I'm looking forward to a wintry mix.
With raisins, dates and walnuts.
We open gifts on Christmas Eve Eve. Two days later, we eat dinner.
Take that, Fastivus!

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Try...
Don't ask, doesn't matter.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

It's not that I didn't grow up.
I just didn't like doing so.
Ah, the minutiae of my life
Equals the big moments.

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Listening to a report about a girl who cannot distrust.
I believe I have the opposite condition. What's that called?
I'm not sure if it's truly Epic,
but it is Mickey.

Friday, December 17, 2010

I don't want my kid to eat the food that comes with the toy...
Can the government please intervene?

Thursday, December 16, 2010

From what I've seen, there's a good reason the phrase is:
"Depression SINKS in."

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Snow Day!
Wheeeeeeeeee!

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Many times have I let my inner geek show.
I'm not sure everyone likes the look of him...

Monday, December 13, 2010

I was thinking everything she said was full of innuendo,
but later I wondered if I just wanted that to be true.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Saw an article entitled "Even Pretty Girls Get Rejected"
Made me wonder. Do the rejected ever get pretty girls?

Saturday, December 11, 2010

I used to say I picked my movies well.
Netflix nas changed all that.

Friday, December 10, 2010

In the most recent trip, "Back up the stairs"
and "Up the back stairs" were the same.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

"The current tax rate will encourage the creation of jobs."
Just like it has for the last decade it's been in effect, right?
Best quote I've heard yet:
"Race is not the issue. The issues are the issue."

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

If the wars go on much longer, I think the armed forces
will be glad for every volunteer, straight, gay, or otherwise.

Monday, December 6, 2010

If Facebook and Twitter merged
would we call it Twacebook or Fitter?

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Spent today asleep.
Now tonight? Awake.

Saturday, December 4, 2010

I want to make gifts this year. Have a great idea, but little time.
So why am I blogging?

Friday, December 3, 2010

I really need a secret lair.
Well, a lair at least. Doesn't have to be secret.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

I hate knowing but having to pretend I don't know.
Iit only happens when the person I know isn't meant to know how I know.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

As I move into the last 31 days of daily blogging,
I realize how very few ideas I have left.

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

I'm not HOPING Spider-Man on Broadway will flop.
I'm just expecting it to do so.

Monday, November 29, 2010

Our forks keep disappearing.
I think I'll check wiki-leaks.

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Movies that were edgy and groundbreaking in their decade?
Really stink now.
OK, I kind of feel the spirit this year.
Or maybe it's the pain medication.

Friday, November 26, 2010

4. mm. kidney. stone.
ouch.
Happy Thanksgiving.
Yesterday. I didn't blog.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

I spent last night hugging the toilet.
It might have been fun if I had done the drinking first.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

The drugs have not kicked in.
I hope they do soon.

Monday, November 22, 2010

I have been on the planet 4.5 decades and never had an enhanced pat down...
sounds like fun in the right context.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

I love how in musicals everyone knows the song right away.
It always takes me longer to learn them.

Saturday, November 20, 2010

She asked me not to fall into a holiday depression this year.
What, did they cancel the holidays?

Friday, November 19, 2010

My email signature says "embrace change".
It should say, "Dump change before it dumps you."

Thursday, November 18, 2010

The last time I tried to open up a can of whup-@$$,
It was pointed at me by mistake. Results were not good.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

A minister told his congregation that FB temptations are too great.
I think his 'friended' ex-grilfriends might disagree...

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

child is 12, mom is 24, granny is 36
Teacher taught them all. Scary.

Monday, November 15, 2010

I have decided that when it comes time for my funeral,
I'd rather not be in attendance.
Believers use the Bible to prove a point.
Ironically, so do non-believers.

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Children's misbehavior stems from the fact that
they aren't as wise as us yet. Neither were we.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

I am completely self-aware,
but not completely self-accepting.
Even when a person's choices explain how they got there,
It still hurts to see them get to some of the places they go.
Please don't scratch the paint job of my emotional veneer.
It barely looks good on the surface.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

The more mandatory meetings I attend,
the less I talk when teaching.

Monday, November 8, 2010

I think I need to find a new attitude.
I'll start by looking under the sofa cushions.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Gaining an hour just means
this morning's insomnia started even earlier.

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Two people who met online spend their time together still using devices.
Why is either of them surprised by this?
Two blogs diverged on the web and I - I read the one less traveled by.
And that has made all the difference. (apologies to Robert Frost)

Thursday, November 4, 2010

This is my mother's birthday.
Celebrate with me a great lady.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Don't tell anyone, but when I wish people Happy Birthday on Facebook,
I cut and paste.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Vote.
It's the second best thing you can do with your finger.

Monday, November 1, 2010

I wonder if more Americans would celebrate the Day of the Dead
if its name was a little less somber...
If all you do is sit, listen for 8 hours and don't buy anything,
why is it called a workshop?

Saturday, October 30, 2010

Cult classics are not as good
once you leave the cult.
They say one indicator of depression is watching too much TV.
I'd slug the guy who said that, but I'm scared I'd break my remote.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Step to the back of the line.
I'm camping out for the self deprecation trophy.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

I pledge to remain drug free...
at least until the end of Red Ribbon Week.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Genus Homo
is so gay...

Monday, October 25, 2010

The difference between "I love you" and "I'm in love with you"
is the difference between...then and now.

Sunday, October 24, 2010

I don't worry about people finding out I'm clueless.
They already know.

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Never ask a man to answer a question
For which the meaning of the answer is interpreted by women.

Friday, October 22, 2010

Yawn!
G'night.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Why all the furor over the GLee cast GQ pictures?
Anyone looking to GLee to find their moral compass is more lost than we thought.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Two different shows in a row expound on the importance of spending time with family.
I watch them, isolated, on the laptop, under headphones. Hmmm...

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

The Crystal Cathedral is in bankruptcy.
Bet they didn't think THAT was possible.

Monday, October 18, 2010

This has not been a productive week.
Yes, I know it's Monday.
I spent all day driving,
and never left town.

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Men are obsessed with breasts anyway, might as well do something positive:
Be more vocal about the fight against cancer.

Friday, October 15, 2010

I had a dream that God and the devil were fighting over my soul...
Each one kept saying, "You take him!" "No, YOU take him!"

Thursday, October 14, 2010

As I draw closer to my 365 blog goal,
I find even I don't want to read a 2-line blog much.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Why do we spend time trying to figure out failed celebrity romances?
I still don't know why the girl I wanted to marry in preschool shut me down.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

I sat in a meeting today for a student.
The student finished long before the rest of us did.
I heard about a student who skipped school, got high and wound up in a car wreck.
Unfortunately, it was NOT an afterschool special, but real life.

Sunday, October 10, 2010

I have decided on my Native American name:
Drives With Annoyances.

Saturday, October 9, 2010

Yeah, you can have your Rosario Dawsons and Freida Pintos...
I'm officially in love with Jane Lynch. Unrequited, of course.

Friday, October 8, 2010

Bolt - Homeward Bound,
but with way more CGI.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

As the 12 year old girl told me she was getting her lip pierced,
I had to keep telling myself, "It's not my house..."

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

It does not make sense to protest the soldier.
He didn't order himself to go.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Senators spend so much time running for office,
When do they run the country?
If someone doesn't stand up to the bullies,
eventually we all get knocked down.

Sunday, October 3, 2010

I was watching Star Trek (2010) again, and I realized...
The whole movie was Spock's fault. I blame Spock.

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Live action superhero stories remind me...
A lot of superhero ideas are pretty dorky.
As I was telling a nerdy joke to someone who didn't get it,
It became obvious why I joined a social network for nerds.

Thursday, September 30, 2010

Why is it when people follow routines, procedures and deadlines,
Those who didn't follow call those who did 'mean'?
If I act on the 1st like I do on the 30th,
Maybe on the 30th I can act like it's the 1st.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

It's been announced: After the last Harry Potter film,
the Sorting Hat will start working for E-Harmony.

Monday, September 27, 2010

When I was 7, shows competing in a time slot was a huge dilemma.
History repeats itself.
The weirdest set of events can remind me
Of just how uncontrollable life is.

Saturday, September 25, 2010

My dog was barking, and I got to wondering...
Do they ever get hoarse?

Friday, September 24, 2010

Why do super-villains always attack the national landmarks first?
And who repairs them later?

Thursday, September 23, 2010

If you THINK you heard God's call,
Make sure you're not the answering service.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

I no if eye don't check spelling,
Yule be sorry.
When I think not,
does that therefore mean I am not?

Monday, September 20, 2010

We talked about why children have low expectations of themselves.
I made sure I didn't take the blame.

Sunday, September 19, 2010

How to Make a Hand Puppet:
Step 1 - Specialize in Proctology...
Well, it's official. I'm a published cartoonist.
It's for free, and a favor to a friend, but I am published...
Just an observation:
Belly dance sure includes a lot of other body movements.

Friday, September 17, 2010

Batman...
never drives with the top down.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

I'm thinking of starting a grassroots, decentralized 'green' group.
I'll call it The Garden Party.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Unrated director's cuts...
Same movie, Only longer!
Sad truth: It's easier to be the bank that sold a bad loan
Than someone who purchased one.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Strange and rare convergence:
A conversation at work perfectly fed one at home.
Talked about Lola Falana and Big Wheels today
Many stages of nostalgia.

Friday, September 10, 2010

I like ABBA.
So what?

Thursday, September 9, 2010

I bet the people who paint their faces for their NFL Team
Laugh at Comic Con cosplayers.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

I have nothing to write about today.
But I can still do it in two lines.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

If I present my book in a compelling way,
I don't have to burn someone else's.

Monday, September 6, 2010

Today we celebrate the American worker by not working.
But don't worry. We'll still memorialize on Memorial day.
I have watched more movies since joining Netflix
than I watched the entire Spring and Summer.

Saturday, September 4, 2010

If I didn't exercise the judgment to drink moderately,
what makes you think I'm calling for a ride when drunk?
Don't aggravate someone then ask them why they're edgy.
The results will not be positive.
The revolution will not be in 3D...
Unless the trend makes money.

Friday, September 3, 2010

There is no way to reclaim the past.
No matter how many episodes of 'Soap' I watch.
The phrase, "I don't know what to think."
Has multiple meanings. When you think about it.
I found out on the next to the last day of August
The meaning of the word 'penultimate'.

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Today was my 18th anniversary.
A fun time was had by all.

Saturday, August 28, 2010

I'm curious.
Does Superman have macroeconomic vision?
Although I haven't been tracking my stats,
I think I'm leveling up in real life.
On the old G.I.Joe cartoon, they always said, "Knowing is half the battle."
Nobody ever told me what the other half is.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

The only thing more depressing than car shopping for me
Is seeing an abandoned car dealership.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

If you don't have time to read,
You definitely don't have time to read this.

Monday, August 23, 2010

Wondering tonight...
Does Superman have macroeconomic vision?

Sunday, August 22, 2010

I have to choose between 'The Smurfs 3D' and 'Yogi Bear 3D'.
'Cause I'm definitely not sitting through both.
Had lunch with one of my best friends yesterday.
Then we turned her into a marriage counselor.

Friday, August 20, 2010

Why am I consuming
a Filet of Ish sandwich?

Thursday, August 19, 2010

I have never been diagnosed with depression,
and as long as I avoid the doctor, I never will.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

I think I'm developing a case of
interest deficit disorder.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

How in the heck can I get a case of writer's block
on a blog that's only two lines long? Like this.

Monday, August 16, 2010

We had a meeting today that started at 8:30 am
and ended after the last chapter of the Book of Revelation.
I should buy the Castle and move into it.
It's a steal at $690,000.

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Forget being PC - I think
casting Marlee Matlin as the deaf woman is typecasting.
Just wondering if the "Value Added" approach
actually adds any value?

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Faith unto good works.
What if both are in short supply?
Wanted to create a name for the new software. Why'd they reject
Information Transfer System For Uncorruptible Cooperative Data?

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Prequels, as a rule, are not so bad...
if they're actually MADE FIRST.
Art is in the eye of the beholder.
Maybe you shouldn't look at my work.

Sunday, August 8, 2010

I think,
therefore I ham.

Saturday, August 7, 2010

When a man says, "you made me what I am today,"
Do you REALLY want the credit?
If attitude really determines altitude
I'm definitely a low-flying plane.

Thursday, August 5, 2010

I think ground zero should be rebuilt as a "World Unity Center"
Find a way to turn a negative into a positive.
He was a really sweet guy,
but she was sucrose intolerant.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

I'm getting way too weepy while watching old tv shows.
I think I need to go to sleep a lot earlier.

Monday, August 2, 2010

Once again - why would anyone take a depression medication
that might INCREASE thoughts of suicide?
We now interrupt our coverage of Lindsay Lohan
With a brief nod to Chelsea Clinton's wedding.

Saturday, July 31, 2010

Best question I've ever been asked;
"How long does it take you to write these blogs?"

Friday, July 30, 2010

I'm reading so many blogs now I don't have time to write my own.
(these 2 lines are so demanding...)

Thursday, July 29, 2010

The only reason I recite "30days hath September" anymore
is to figure out how much longer before the paycheck comes.
I'm going to reread and see when I start repeating myself.
I'm going to reread and see when I start repeating myself.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Failed attempts while practicing abstinence
are way worse than those when practicing piano.
If you miss one day of a daily goal,
It is self defeating to start the count over at one.

Sunday, July 25, 2010

Two months ago, I joined a procrastinators' group.
I just introduced myself to everyone today.

Saturday, July 24, 2010

I'm a man of faith, too, but I think
The Kingdom of Heaven should not be sold door to door.

Friday, July 23, 2010

Geek thought number eighty five gazillion:
Why doesn't the Flash ever get tired from all that running?

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Why do I blog?
It's one place where I know I'll finish my

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

To paraphrase Old Ben;
"Who is geekier - the geek or the geek who reads his blog?"
Since 'Beezus' is the older sister, does reversing the names mean
Selena Gomez gets second billing?

Monday, July 19, 2010

When does the five-o'clock shadow appear
on someone who stays up all night?
I'm not sure we have birthdays right in the US. All those gifts?
Should really go to our mothers on that day. They did the work.

Saturday, July 17, 2010

"Extraordinary Measures" was the white man's
"John Q".
Are the offices for tobacco companies
smoke-free environments?

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Worst medical disclaimer yet-"May cause darkening of the colored
part of the eye, which is most likely permanent."
Old comedies are good.
They remind me of my favorite me.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Why is throwing things off buildings
considered good TV?

Monday, July 12, 2010

If you become a fan of something on Facebook, then insult it,
do you think you're using your time wisely?
Tweets might be complete sentences,
but are they complete thoughts?

Saturday, July 10, 2010

How long before we get to see movies
in 4-G?
I know about lightning, but
can you be thunderstruck twice?

Thursday, July 8, 2010

I think I've finally decided.
I'm team Lugosi.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

I always wondered what would have happened if Mr. Phelps
decided NOT to accept the impossible mission...

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

I didn't pull all nighters when I was in college
Why do I do them now?

Monday, July 5, 2010

Signs you're gaming too much:
It feels totally natural to say, "I need to collect more poop."

Sunday, July 4, 2010

My aunt told me to learn to BBQ before I got married.
I don't even EAT BBQ that much, but she was right.
Somebody I know tried to put watermelon in a dehydrator.
The oxymoron should have been obvious.

Friday, July 2, 2010

It's time to get away from electronic media -
My last dream incorporated parts of a tv show AND a videogame.
I promise to stop judging movies before I see them.
I'll wait until the 1:20 mark to say it sucks.
Introducing Windows 7...
Now with stained glass.
If I have to remind myself to break a cycle,
Does that become part of the cycle?

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

If we continue to debate our beliefs in unfriendly ways,
I think we become a nation that IS divisible.

Monday, June 28, 2010

It's amazing how someone's convictions seem so firm
until the issue actually occurs in one's own life.

Sunday, June 27, 2010

I keep hearing, "I think-" "I think-" "I think-"
Is anyone seeking advice from counsel anymore?

Saturday, June 26, 2010

Why gas boycotts don't work:
On a road trip I was stuck between a BP and an Exxon.

Friday, June 25, 2010

I'm thankful that I've rarely come out of a movie saying,
"Well, that's two hours I'll never get back."
I wonder if anyone plays Chinese Checkers
in China.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Sometimes, when history repeats itself,
it doesn't use the quotation marks.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

There are definitely good people out there.
You find them randomly if you keep your eyes open.

Monday, June 21, 2010

Well, there's a 3D movie with CGI blue beings in a strange land...
Not Avatar II - the Smurfs. I'm camping out now.

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Happy?
Father's Day.

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Wii Fit is good, but I need more detailed statistics -
How many calories do I burn while I'm on Facebook?
Internet Stalker Epic Fail: He reversed the digits in his age
which made him 54.
Example of overtired: A server at a fast food placed asked if I needed sauces
and I had no idea.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

New acronyms for the same initials:
Botched Prevention/Big Problem/Bogus Policies/Bad Press...
Firemen:
People we pay hoping they don't do their job.

Sunday, June 13, 2010

I realize while reading and laughing out loud
The only person who gets the joke besides me wrote it.
If you're walking around looking like you lost your best friend,
ask yourself how good a friend they were in the first place.

Friday, June 11, 2010

Some people spend their lives giving to others,
and at the end the takers are all gone.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

The more things change
the more they resemble Sex and the City.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

I'm not a liar, but I have been
path illogical.

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

People NOT to publicly insult: World religion leaders with armies...
and Lindsay Lohan.

Monday, June 7, 2010

The Bond villains were seriously disturbed men who often had pets...
I don't want to see the connection there, but I do.

Sunday, June 6, 2010

I actually feel a lot closer to God
now that He has a Facebook page.

Saturday, June 5, 2010

I can hear your side of a cell phone conversation.
And I usually don't want to.

Friday, June 4, 2010

I have so far to go...
and too much fear.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Insects have it down; weigh less than an ounce,
make 200 pound people scream.
If life had an instant replay feature,
would I reverse any of MY bad calls?

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

GLee finale is next week.
Gonna be a long, hot summer.
I don't have to be your safety net
if you've woven a network beyond me.

Sunday, May 30, 2010

After all these years of growth and learning,
I think I'm still a Beta version.
There's a guy on tv teaching me how to paint.
Walls. Yeah, like I'm gonna do that.
Things change. I didn't.
Maybe I should.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

I'll bet ARIZONA has a strategy
for keeping the oil out.
Just found out I'm the same age as Wendy Williams.
Life just ain't fair.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

My social network reminded me my wife's birthday is coming.
I already knew...honest.
Schol ended for students Friday. It ended for teachers today.
Naturally, I still have to go in tomorrow, cause I ddn't finish.
A+ resume item:
Back-up musician on American Idol.

Sunday, May 23, 2010

If you do more during the week,
can you cram less into the weekend?
The latest truth: I can't complain about the next generation.
MY generation raised it.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

WTF product o-the-day:
Doggie snacks-now with riddles!
I'm sure this phrase will become more common:
"He walked around looking like he'd lost his best (cyber) friend."

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Somebody said this would be the longest week ever.
I disagreed, but wouldn't reveal why. Not there, nor here.
Not politics, but spelling truth:
pain + l = Palin.

Sunday, May 16, 2010

I had a dream that my brother was marrying my wife.
Iwas the best man...and everyone was ok with this. (!)
Remembering the Carter administration to help my son with a project.
It was better than I thought it was back then.
I got a sermon from somebody the other day...
I think the message was intended FOR the messenger.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

I spent my birthday like so many people do...
Surviving the knowledge that not everything goes according to plan.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Sex in the City 2 or
Golden Cheetah Girls
I wish I had a cool name like Frank Frazetta.
Of course, being able to paint like him wouldn't be bad either.
Seemingly in tribute to the late Ms. Horne,
in my town the weather was...well...stormy.

Monday, May 10, 2010

Saw a bunch of bikers in front of a Starbucks.
Bikers...Starbucks....probably dentists and lawyers.

Saturday, May 8, 2010

I never say Happy Mother's Day to non-mothers.
But I can't tell by looking, so I won't tell anyone.
The DUI school parking lot is full today.
I'm not sure...encouraging or disturbing?
Jobless Guy: Say pal, got any spare
change I can believe in?

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Go natural.
I'll enhance you with my eyes.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

If you don't really listen to me,
how can you possibly tell me what I said?

Monday, May 3, 2010

I'm a certified back seat driver with
20/20 hindsight.
To commit or be committed
that is the question...
What am I doing for the summer?
Well, I've got my "Will work for food" sign ready...

Friday, April 30, 2010

My brother went to the dentist.
They removed his sweet tooth.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

A guy today said all women are crazy.
A guy...............................crazy.
Don't tell people you fell off the wagon
if you're not on it that often.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Am I the only one who sees the irony in auditions for
Gospel ... Idol?

Monday, April 26, 2010

˙spuɐɥ ɹıǝɥʇ uo ǝɯıʇ ɥɔnɯ ooʇ ʎɐʍ ǝʌɐɥ
uʍop ǝpısdn ʇxǝʇ ǝdʎʇ oʇ ʍoɥ ʇno ǝɹnbıɟ oʇ ǝɯıʇ ǝʌɐɥ oɥʍ ǝןdoǝd

Sunday, April 25, 2010

I'm still not sure what the difference is between
'following' and 'stalking'.
The Library of Congress will be collecting all the tweets ever sent.
There won't be room for anything else after that.

Friday, April 23, 2010

Arizona wants to make it against the law to be an illegal alien.
Redundant.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

I told my students today that I didn't know how to ride a bike.
I wasn't worried about losing cool points. Didn't have any anyway.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

My other blog
is a BMW.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

I remember when you couldn't even name a movie "KICK ASS,"
Let alond advertise for it on television. But yeah, I want to see it.

Monday, April 19, 2010

While listening to talk radio, I couldn't help but wonder -
where is the 'liberal media' these guys keep fussing at?

For the 168 in Oklahoma City

....................................................................................
....................................................................................

Saturday, April 17, 2010

I have many people I could talk to
But few that I actually will.
You will never get leadership
from someone you think you have to push.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

No offense to the Russians, but
did we run out of American orphans?

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

If you feel like you've lost your best friend
is it possible they're just with that missing sock from the dryer?
I want to lead with my strengths,
but people keep demanding from my weak areas.

Monday, April 12, 2010

It was so much easier when all I had to do
was fix toys with Superglue.
When someone who knows you only casually tells you to get a haircut,
maybe it IS time to get one.

Saturday, April 10, 2010

I would imagine that the winged horses
Did not get along with the unicorns. Professional jealousy.

Friday, April 9, 2010

The reconnect is always better than the disconnect.
I'm only talking about utilities here. Or am I?

Thursday, April 8, 2010

History may repeat itself,
but the class still isn't listening.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

I can live with change.
Just not comfortably.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Finally, the broadcast can turn its attention back to golf...
Wait a minute. Golf bores me. Can we talk about infidelity again?
I wish my dog
could wash cars.

Sunday, April 4, 2010

What's Pat Robertson going to say
about the quake in CA?

Saturday, April 3, 2010

Peer pressure doesn't work if
you don't think of people as your peers.

Friday, April 2, 2010

Idon'tPad.
Sorry.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

April.
Fool.
Why isn't anyone mentioning politician's salaries
as a budget issue?

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

So to honor the sabbath you can't travel between domains.
Does that mean people can't use the internet on Saturdays?

Monday, March 29, 2010

The Republicans reportedly spent $1946 at a topless club.
I am no longer an undecided voter.

Sunday, March 28, 2010

If you're going to rob a bank, and call ahead to say you're coming,
you will get arrested. Just putting that out there for you.
Being busy is no excuse.
I found time to level up my vampire, didn't I?

Friday, March 26, 2010

A guy blew $10k on failed attempts to bump off his wife.
He probably should have tried to buy her off instead.
Next time I'm up there,
I will definitely visit the Museum of Modern @.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

I remember when it wasn't a good idea
to be called a Diva nor a Hustler.
Isn't making a movie 3D after its in the can
kind of like colorizing a film shot in B&W?

Monday, March 22, 2010

I hope that bill's not actually the piece of crap the Reps say it is.
(Nor the piece of crap they tried to turn it into.)

Sunday, March 21, 2010

It's amazing how easy it is to make "friends" online.
And sometimes, I think I know them better than the real ones.

Saturday, March 20, 2010

(parenthood, stage teen): Once, I was all-important.
Now I'm just all-annoying.

Friday, March 19, 2010

If you substitute onion rings,
Is it really still fish and chips?

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Posting this only because it's new to me as of tonight -
"Liquor in the front, Poker in the rear."

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

It seems the people who can't fix American Education
All had one.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

I watched a cross-fire today.
Thankfully not from the center line.
I still think an actual virus is worse than a computer virus.
At least until Norton can protect me, too.

Sunday, March 14, 2010

I've been online a lot...I never stumbled upon a
terrorist chat room. Not that I want to. Porn is plenty.
On a Sunday morning talk show, they spent more time on
WHEN the President said something than on WHAT he said.

Friday, March 12, 2010

Struggle: Not only do I have to keep these short AND comprehensible,
now I'm looking at the length of the lines too. I prefer longer bottoms.
OK, Hollywood, stop playing games.
Have the theatrical and DVD releases on the same day.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Here's the best PSA ever (for PETA):
"Whips and chains belong in the bedroom, not the circus."
I'm not calling the comments about Obama racist...
The village idiots didn't take all the Bush criticism personally.

Monday, March 8, 2010

My desires are not for public discussion.
I'm scared to even talk about them to myself.

Sunday, March 7, 2010

OK, my family called me nuts when I said Avatar wasn't the best.
Maybe they'll leave me alone now.

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Just got through watching 'Rent' again. I AM Marc.
That explains why I'm not with Rosario Dawson.

Friday, March 5, 2010

I have never been so glad to see a week end.
Let it begin.
Generally speaking, the people who say they're "straight up real"
aren't.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Sure, it's iconic, but I want to see Wonder Woman out of her bikini.
Wait, that didn't come out like I meant it to...
Okay, so the days are 0.00126 microseconds shorter now.
When do we add a leap second to make up for that?

Monday, March 1, 2010

Today we talked about paying to add on qualifications...
So I can be ever better while trapped in my job.

Sunday, February 28, 2010

Someone think these new media are preventing conversation.
Just because this blog has no readers doesn't make that true.
I want to help so many people, but have no idea how.
Maybe I should get an assistant.

Friday, February 26, 2010

It's obvious that government is more interested in reelection
Than in actual governance.
It's scary when someone makes a statement
That sounds like they're trying to be profound.
A friend of mine has been married 33 years.
I think that's fantastic.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Why would I WANT to talk and surf the web at the same time?
I'm already accused of not paying attention during conversations.

Monday, February 22, 2010

Stray thought # eleventy billion and one:
Why do the really cool movie villains have to die?

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Duh Report - Fast food places report losses/no growth at breakfast -
Cause? Fewer people stopping on the way to their non-existent jobs.

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Why isn't 'station'
the noun form of 'state'?
Fell asleep last night while trying to watch "American Beauty"
That's why I didn't blog. Not that anyone asked...

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Traffic was delayed by an escaped zebra today.
I think he was trying to defect from Ringling to Big Apple.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

I've been reading someone's journal.
But it's ok. She blogged the whole thing.
I'll probably get in trouble for this,
but I'm giving up sacrifice for Lent.
Not that I'm condoning it, but in the current climate,
I understand why there are some testing "irregularities".

Sunday, February 14, 2010

I will not be posting today, I'm on a date.
Oh, wait, I'm posting this aren't -

Saturday, February 13, 2010

OK, I'm sick of TV commercial guys making me look bad.
Apparently, the economy didn't affect them for Valentines day.

Friday, February 12, 2010

Don't get me wrong - I'm sensitive to women's issues,
But as a guy, watching Tyra AND Rosario Dawson...issues forgotten.
The revolution
will not be blogged.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

When the other person is convinced they're right,
let them be. Saves time.

Monday, February 8, 2010

I know it's corny, but "I hope you dance"
still inspires me.
I might be the oonly person in the US who didn't watch the Superbowl.
I was definitely the only one in this house.
If I call someone a hypocrite behind their back,
is that two-faced?

Saturday, February 6, 2010

I'm probably more Romulan than Vulcan -
All the intelligence, none of the repression.

Friday, February 5, 2010

My prediction for Sunday?
In a surprise upset, the Tea Party makes the final goal.
"I'm a very good man - I'm just a very bad wizard."
Scratch that one OFF my potential epitaph list...
It's a simple formula: Either pay for schools or pay for jails.
The kids are going to go somewhere eventually.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

They always told me I had potential. I still do.
I'm saving it in case I need it in retirement.

Monday, February 1, 2010

Now in the Olympic spirit of pushing to the limits of human ability-
Rachel Ray presents 20 Minute Meals.

Sunday, January 31, 2010

20 years ago,
Apartments had a different meaning for me.

Saturday, January 30, 2010

Talk therapy doesn't work for me.
I only give two lines at a time.

Friday, January 29, 2010

Am I the only one who sees the irony in the
killer of the baby killer getting a life sentence?
A TV character talked about how online affairs ARE affairs.
So I'm going to stop dating my blog.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

People shouldn't go to college because they decided to go broke.
Strike that, reverse it.
I know it's old-fashioned, but I think at age 13,
it should be neither homo nor hetero, just NON-sexual.

Monday, January 25, 2010

Professional Artist
Is not an oxymoron.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

What's it going to take? God is on Facebook,
And I STILL don't talk to Him every day.

Saturday, January 23, 2010

So...
What happens if Leno's ratings stay low at 11:30?

Friday, January 22, 2010

We're going on an anti-bullying campaign at my school.
It's bringing up a crapload of memories I don't want to have.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Is there really that much inter-office dating?
And where were these women when I worked corporate?
The ♥ has become ubiquitous.
Can we trust a ♥ too freely given?

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

If it's 1 am and I haven't gone to bed,
it's still yesterday.

Monday, January 18, 2010


Google has a King Day Banner.
I couldn't help but notice it's in black and white.
As I stood in the gym watching everyone else exercise,
I wondered why I'd never be like them.

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Just a thought for the reporters in Haiti...
put the mikes down for a while and help out.

Friday, January 15, 2010

I found my unauthorized biography in a store today -
"Sir Fartsalot Hunts the Booger". Actual book.
In Haiti, the people are singing in the streets to encourage themselves.
I think I won't complain today.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

The wee hours of the morning
are starting to look much bigger.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

To help calm my mind,
May I have some low-def, please?

Monday, January 11, 2010

Today was a calm, peaceful, quiet day.
That's it.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

A person who doesn't feel appreciated for what he does
Will not be motivated to do more.
Creative block is not discouraged
when you get more responses to a quote than to an original thought.

Friday, January 8, 2010

I learned how to make the heart symbol appear on a social network today.
Why that's so exciting is beyond me, but a lot of poeple ♥ doing it.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

My town just devoted the entire day of news broadcasting to...
(drumroll) 14 flakes of snow!
My pastor once said "What you tolerate will continue."
I am now a member of a different congregation (jk).

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

OK, first, "The Biggest Loser", then how to make Deep Fried Oreos.
Guess which one I'll remember the most tomorrow?

Monday, January 4, 2010

If you didn't get a clock, rose, or were otherwise voted off,
You DO NOT deserve a reality show of your own.

Sunday, January 3, 2010

Just figured out the pitch-men's credo:
"When you buy it, I'll stop shouting about it!"

Saturday, January 2, 2010

Supposedly the Marines say "pain is weakness leaving the body".
Wonder what they say depression is?

Friday, January 1, 2010

Remembered that I was inspired to post every day...2 weeks ago.
This is my first post since then...bad omen.