Monday, August 31, 2009

I absolutely REFUSE to blog about the $9 sandwich and drink I had today.
There is no way I'll ever publicly admit...never mind.

Sunday, August 30, 2009

I only blog when I have something to say, so I won't be blogging today.
Wait. Did I just...?

Sunday, August 23, 2009

I will no longer psychoanalyze myself.
So don't ask me why I said that.

Friday, August 21, 2009

Seems every girl that ever truly liked me had self-esteem issues.
Now, I do too.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

What is a back 40?
Why do so many movie farmers have one they're not using?

Friday, August 14, 2009

Always wanted 2 jars in my kitchen: one "Cap'n Crunch", one Crunch Berries.
Just as a conversation piece.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

$40 dinner for 2 with my wife was bad enough...
Now it's the same price with my son.

Saturday, August 8, 2009

No, thank you, spambot followers,
I already had my brains ****ed out today.

Friday, August 7, 2009

I'm pretty sure the box at Facebook that says, "What's on your mind?"
is just asking to be polite.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

I resented when my kids called me a dirty old man.
I'm only 44.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Tell your teacher friends,
It's not a furlough, just an opportunity for community service credits.

Saturday, August 1, 2009

So what crime against humanity or indignant routine should I perform?
I want a beer with the President, too.